hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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