You just made me feel so damn special
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
