So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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