Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
