I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
