Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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