my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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