just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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