I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
