when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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