cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Randomize
