i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
