I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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