everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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