I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
