TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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