You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
