Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
