Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
