CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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