i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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