Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
