once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
