In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
