it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
