So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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