took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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