I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
