just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
