I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
