i don't plan on having that self control this summer
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
