i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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