Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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