You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
