my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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