I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
