i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
