God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
