I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
