I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
