lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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