Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
