I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
