the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
