Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
