you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
