Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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