Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
