My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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