I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
