So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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