I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
His nipple licking is glorious
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