he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
