Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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