We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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