you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
