I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
